So, here I am, slogging
away, continually checking my twitter feed and hopelessly losing the will to
write with every passing minute. It's going to be one of those days!
I feel like
I am back at school and doing everything in my power to avoid doing my
homework. My notebook lies open beside me, glaring at me and mocking my lack of
enthusiasm, a bit like spotting a slice of cake when your trying to be
good. So Mrs 'Look at me all perfect and black' Notebook, your mission,
should you choose to accept it, is to bring me round, muster up some energy for
me somewhere or as I suspected you could just sit there and glare at me for the
rest of the day.
Ten Things I Do When I Can't Write:
1. Make a cup
of tea. Ah yes, I hear you all sigh - the old faithful. That will do the trick
surely?
2. Pick a
letter of the alphabet and write down as many words as you can that describe
how you are feeling. I am choosing 'f' today because it can involve a word I
use when I am angry, lost and succumbed into silence by my inept brain...
'flummoxed' is the word I was thinking of. Off course it was! So today I am
mostly: flummoxed, fraught, frightened and farty (don't ask - it's a
'can't write' thing) when I really should be flowing, full, frivolous and
funny. Maybe tomorrow then?
3.Go for a
walk. No this does not mean a slow trudge to the local newsagent, wearing your
jammies under your coat (you know who you are!) to stock up on chocolate and
tomato flavoured crisps (yum). It means a lovely meander through the misty
fields nearby, letting the literary juices flow and a masterpiece under your
belt by tea-time like Holly Hops on a Summers Day - oh wait, that's wine I'm
talking about now! Er, no thanks, not today.
4. There is a
saying 'A tidy house means a tidy mind' or something along those lines, so
maybe a wee spring clean or 'gut' as they say in these parts wouldn't go amiss.
But then that would mean actually thinking and doing stuff and that old chestnut
'Making A Decision' would come into play. Sigh.
5. Rant - now
there's a word that conjures up the fire in your belly. Have a good rant, in my
case at myself as I am Home Alone. But then who is going to hear anyway? I have
been known to rant at my wee cats, they are usually asleep and a leg twitch
every now and again means that I have acknowledgement of sorts.
6. Hit the
Library with a bag full of intentions - although the last time I did that - It
Was A Disaster.com. There I was feeling the joys of Spring-ish Autumn and
making my way down the road listening to a bit of The Bubbles (Michael Buble to
anyone that doesn't know what I am on about) and feeling 'You are so right
Michael, I haven't met the agent of dreams yet but you never know'. I enter into
the fantastic establishment that takes over a corner in Leith and lo and
behold. RYME-TIME. For all those un-initiated this is a two hour slot of
singing and general hilarity for the under 5's. Don't even try it, just turn
around and walk away. As lovely as it is you can't read or think for that
matter when they all get going. Reading this back, I think it's fair to
say I am slightly deranged and possibly about to celebrate my 80th birthday
with a big bag of humbugs.
7. Exercise
- now there's a word. Not like a nice lazy walk but a fat-burning-sweat-ridden
visit to the gym. Moving on.
8. Therapeutic
Archive Rummaging - nothing like a good rummage (easy now!) over your old files
on your 'pooter. I found some hidden gems that I am currently bringing up to date
from about 5 years ago. Amazing stuff and makes me feel all better as I am
prone to forget that I have been writing for a long time and a lot of
unfinished work really needs to get completed instead of clogging up my meg
storage allocation (check me - like I know what that is).
9. Have a bath
- depending on the time of day possibly without the glass of wine, candles and
soothing music lulling you to sleep - if this happens, start at number 1 on
this list and work your way down until you are fully awake and functional
again.
10. Eat - now
you're talking!
So folks, I
have done 1, 2, 3, 5 and 8 so far today. I'm thinking maybe a 9 followed by a
lot of 10 and I'll be ready to start back at 'The Desk Of My Writing Life' aka my
sofa with laptop on knee.
Many thanks
Sarah Broadley
Really amusing and entertaining post, Sarah. I can't say i can relate because i have to do most of my writing work in the evening as i have a toddler that demands most of my attention in the day. So I think i do no. 1, but substitute with wine, and then jump straight to number 10, then if i'm not to tired, number 9 after that :-)
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